Vinter.

Jag andas in vintern och håller ut i en vecka till.
Tur att det finns de som värmer upp de kalla dagarna.
Har varit här länge och älskar det oftast,
men hjärtat vill någon annanstans.
Äventyra.
Springa, bada, finna.
 
Vet aldrig vart jag är påväg,
men hamnar alltid där det är som allra bäst,
varje gång.
Njut av att andas intill de du älskar mest.
Och fatta att vart du än är så kan allting bli bra.
Bland palmerna är det dock oftast lite, lite bättre,
för hjärtat får vila,
och det får hjärnan med.
Snart får hjärtat vila,
men ändå sakna samtidigt.
Och när vi ses igen, kommer hjärtat nästan explodera.
 

2018

JANUARY
 
I had lived in Tenerife for about 2 months. I liked my job and Simon was working way too much, but he also really liked his job so it was okay. We were spending our days at the beach or by the pool in the hotel that we all of a sudden had moved into. 
 
My love, Millan, came to visit me and we had the best week. We spent our days by the beach and climbed up a mountain. She walked me to work a few times and I felt so insanely happy. We ate dinner at the most awesome restaurants and she drank a lot of Sangria. I found myself smiling when I looked into the mirror and that was a wonderful feeling. 
 
FEBRUARY
 
Mauro, whom I met in Thailand once, told me he was coming to Tenerife and we met up for dinner with him and his friends. We went to a fish restaurant and I was hell scared of what I was going to eat. This though, was the first time ever I ate octopus and I was so freaking PROUD. I loved this evening so, so much, and I felt happy all the way from my toes. 
 
Me and Simon also went for a roadtrip around the whole island of Tenerife. We had some lovely days and us two, in a car, with lovely music, that is all I really need in life. (I almost pierced my septum but backed out).
 
I also ate way too many pancakes this month.
 
MARCH
 
It was carneval in the city and every day was filled with markets and amazing art-stuff. We ate churros and won some stuffed animals that we gave to someones little daughters, oh, how happy they were. And so thankful. We fell asleep smiling that night.
 
I was working the big day of the carneval, but we went outside to see all the cool things and people dressed up in suits. I forgot my camera upstairs but quick ran back to get it, and I do not regret that.
 
We met Rebecca and Diego and I fell in love with their love to each other. I loved every second spent with these two.
 
We had our first surf-lesson and it was amazing. I was angry at first for not being able to stand up, but I then managed to let every bad feeling go away and I just decided to get up, which I did. What a feeling. And at this time we had no idea that these surfcamp-people were going to be our best friends there.
 
My brother, Herkules and Linn came to visit us, so did my parents. I have never been as surprised as when my brother told me to look down the balcony out to the pool, and there they were, looking at me. I had never felt such joy before. I loved every second spent with them in my new home. Herkules was still so young, but also so adventourus. Such a golden part of my year, this one.
 
And last, but not least for this month, we were swimming with turtles!!!!!!!! I mean WOW. We really did it.
 
APRIL
 
We woke up early to watch the sun go up. And we felt the cold breeze on our skin before we came back home and went to sleep when the sun was already awake. We also saw lots of soap bubbles and we ate a lot of bruschetta. Maybe I got a little bit too hooked on those two things. 
 
I don't remember what happened here, but I either broke my finger, hit my head really bad or had an inflammation in my chest so I couldn't surf anymore. That's when I grabbed my camera and since that day I have been hooked on surf photography. Who knew what it could lead to.
 
 MAY
 
A really old friend had reached out to me a while ago. Something I could've never imagined happened - she came to see me. We met again after a lot of years apart and I realised I had missed her more than I knew. Old friendship never dies, they say, maybe that is true. Maybe we have shared way too much already, and will always be whatever we are.
 
I kept on with the surf photography and I improved very fast. I drew on my first ever surfboard.
 
JUNE

We spent more time in the sunsets than sunrises. Reason for this: I have no idea.
But I did love it.
 
My mum came to visit me for the third time. We drank a lot of wine and drinks in the sunsets and spent our days at the beach. She made me meatballs and I had missed eating them so much. We spent a week together and I was so happy to have here there with me! In a new apartment this time.
 
I drew on a second surfboard and I realised how much I loved creating art and challenging myself.
 
I was working a lot in June, but all my days off were spent by the beach, at my favourite surfcamp with my favourite people. I enjoyed every minute spent in the sun and we decided where to go next.
 
JULY
 
I finished my job and my first day of vacation was an early morning in the sunrise with the surfers. It was a lovely morning and I loved sitting there with my camera. It was pink-ish sky and the surfers were up early for a session before they had to go to their jobs. 
 
We left Tenerife a few days into july, and our next stop was Italy. We met with Simons family and friends, and as usual we had a good time with a LOT of food. I did not have to spend any time inside of an hospital so I was more than pleased. We did some roadtrips and drank wine most of the days. 
 
I got a tattoo done, that I had drew myself, and I was proud and happy. I felt so much joy while doing this.
 
I then came home to Sweden again. My mum sorted out a surprise party for us when we got home and all of our loved ones where there! It was such a lovely day with tasty food, drinks and lots of sun. The summer had already started to be really, really warm and so it kept on being for the rest of the summer. 
 
Now something really amazing happened - I drew a surfboard for a surfshop here in Sweden. I reached out to them, asking if they had any old surfboards they were going to throw out, so that I could use them to pracitce my art on. Markus, the owner, had me draw on a NEW board and he really believed in me. I spent a lot of hours on this board, chatting to a lot of people and made some new amazing friends. I loved this. I felt like I was on top of the world. 
 
AUGUST
 
I spent more hours drawing the surfboard, and my art got better and better. My colleague was really supportive with me and helped me realise that I can do more than I want to admit to myself. I learned how to draw animals and I managed to draw an octopus-mandala on the surfborad. This was a huge step for me, and for my confidence!
 
I spent a lot of time with Millan and we drank a lot of wine in the sun, on my little porch in the apartment that we rent. I did a lot of photoshoots during August and also here I improved a lot in a short time. I spent hours and hours reading about photography and my brain seemed to figure out how I wanted MY photography.
 
It was my birthday and we spent it in London. We explored England for a few days and then we came back to reality again. But I really enjoyed my reality-time.
 
SEPTEMBER
 
I met Adde! I hadn't seen him for so many years and there we were, at the same place again. Every time I see this person I get happy and excited. I spent a night with him and his friends and I enjoyed every bit of it. We went to a sunflower field - and even though almost all of the flowers were dead - I felt such joy. Being there. With him. Laughing and smiling. I felt the happiness all the way into my soul.
 
I was a photographer at a wedding. A wedding that was so special and I was honoured to be their photographer. I got to spend my whole day watching these two people that are so freaking in love with each other, and I managed to capture the sparkle between them with my camera. Oh, how I loved this. And how I loved that they let me have the honour to capture their love. 
 
OCTOBER

I started doing some halloween makeup again and I realized how much I love to do makeup. It was so long ago I had all my makeup stuff and before I honesly couldn't really afford to get all the things I needed. So I was happy that I spent some money on this and again I felt joy and happiness about my art.
 
My best friend Amanda came home after 2 years apart. I was so happy to have her home and I will always love to have her close. Always. 
 
NOVEMBER
 
The highlight of November was definetly me and my sisters road trip to north of Sweden. I could have never imagined how amazing this little roadtrip would be but it means so much to me now. I will honestly never forget this time we spent togehter. It was freezing cold and we barely made it with the icy roads, but everything that we saw on this roadtrip was worth it all. And everything that happened - all the obstacles - we just laughed them away. Thank you for this, Johanna. Thanks a thousand times.
 
DECEMBER
 
In december, Markus, the guy that ownes the surf store - asked me about drawing another surfboard for a project. The boards would be auctioned out together with a trip to a surfcamp with Lapoint, I had one weekend to draw another surfboard and I freaking did it!! The board and the surftrip was then auctioned out to 26.000:-!! I love that I got the chance to put my art onto surfboards, and that the money went to something really good! 
 
I went to Lund to see my beloved Isabella that I haven't seen since I was in Australia. So much had happened since we last met but everything will always be the same. I love this person so much and am so happy I got to spend a few days with her. 
 
I celebrated christmas and new years with my family and ate lots and lots of food. I always enjoy every second spent together with my family. 
 

So, 2018. I just want to say thank you for all the adventures you had for me. Thank you for all the new friends I have made this year and for treating me really, really well. 
 
After all, I think that everything is what you make it. Things can go wrong, and things can make you sad or angry, but in the end the only one who can do anything about it, is yourself. I don't really think that you can have "a bad year". Bad things can happen during a year, but it doesn't have to make the whole year bad. There will be ups and downs for the rest of our lives, sometimes more, sometimes less, but life is still just what we make it and may we never forget this. 
 
I am going into the new year exactly the same way this whole year has been. Happy and with new adventures!
 
 

I can't speak.

I feel like I can't speak any language. Like I can't express myself in any kind of way, in any language. Is this a sign that I should learn a new one? Maybe my feelings are just inside a language I yet can't speak.
 
I am listening to a podcast that makes me think a lot. That hotel. The hotel of poet's. So lovely. I am not saying more than that. And also - like he said - if we could just live everyday like there is no tomorrow. That we all should remind us about that every day. Today is your last day - what are you going to do with it?
I love that my friends are all spread around this world of ours. I love that I can go to almost any country, and there know someone who'd show me around and spend time together. Talk about old memories. Talk about where we met. Maybe in Asia. Australia. England. Greece. Spain. Or somewhere else. I love this so much about my life - but I also hate it more than anything.
 
I hate that I don't get to see them often enough. That when it is night time here - it is day time there. That when we speak it has been months and months since last time and we forget to talk about important things cause they happened so long ago. I hate that I can't just call them and ask if they want to go the café with me. Or to go on a roadtrip. Or to the movies. Or rock climbing. Or ANYTHING. Cause they are spread around the world. And I love them to the freaking moon and back. So mixed feelings about this life of mine.

It is september. As always I will say that time passes by way too fast. I have lived in a new country. And I am back with my family already. And I will leave soon again. I know that I have made the choice to live this way, that one is on me. And most of the time I love this mindset and this way of living. But there are so many "goodbyes" involved in my life, and most of the time it is by the time where I just got so close to someone. So close that I never want to be apart with that person ever again. 
Okay, rant is over. It is 3 am and I am not allowed to sleep in another 5 hours. So I am going to keep listening to the amazing podcast. And then I am going to work on some photos and on my webpage. If you made it all the way here - you're a golden star. Ciao.