Someone's mind is somewhere else. Someone sends me chocolate and someone brings me ice cream. Someone is the king of philosophy and someone has the worst taste when it comes to drinks. Someone needs some new music to listen to and someone is leaving soon. Someone loves eye contact and someone struggles with eye contact for even 3 seconds. Someone is sad and someone is happier than ever before. Someone tries to figure life out and someone think that life is already figured out. Someone tries to understand me and someone decided not to bother. Someone tells me that I'm smart and someone tells me that I'm not being real. And the same person tells me that I am incredible and genuin. Alright. Whatever.
And then there's me.
Just living. Trying to keep it together. Working 6 days a week, sometimes 7. And still have time for everything else I want to have time for. Being me. All the time. Trying to convince someone that being me is all I am. Being real is what I am, all the time. But I decided yesterday to stop bother with trying to convince someone that. I'm in bed with the flu at the moment, trying to get well. I miss my crossfit team and I miss work. It feels like it's been forever but it's only been three days. I miss my mom, too. Come take care of me please. And I'll take care of you. But right now we are doing it from a distance. And that is okay. I'm leaving soon. But it breaks my heart a little bit. I am supposed to be okay with goodbyes by this time but I'm not. Cause I'm not just leaving, I am leaving everything I have here. The first home I've had in 6 months and the first home ever that has been my own. But well. I'll figure this out too. And I'll find my own place again when it is time for that. I don't think I am supposed to have just one place in my life right now. I don't think I am supposed to have anything to call home. I don't need it. At all. Cause home is where your heart is, right? And a house can't give me that right now.
Goodbye. I loved to be us for a while. If it was more than pretending.